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Dec 24

Dickens Dealt with Goblins… We Deal with the Christmas Hackers

The holiday season isn’t usually a time we like to spend dwelling on unpleasant things, but unfortunately, cybercrime is so prevalent that we cannot afford to ever let our guard down. What we can do, however, is tell a (somewhat) happier story that nevertheless reminds us what to keep an eye out for.

As such, please enjoy our version of a lesser-known Charles Dickens story.

***

In the city, not so long ago, there lived a schemer and hacker—one Gabriel Grubb. He was an unpleasant, aloof fellow who consorted with nobody but himself and the bottles of energy drink that always inhabited the corner of his home workstation.

A little before twilight one Christmas Eve, Gabriel unlocked his computer, cracked his knuckles, and leaned back in his seat. He hoped to phish a few last-minute shoppers by morning and was already tired. He thought he might feel reinvigorated, perhaps, if he went on with his work at once.

He accessed the specialized browser that allowed him to access the dark web—an unindexed layer of the internet that most users would never visit. Gabriel Grubb grinned to himself and typed in the 56-character-long address he had committed to memory.

He then sought out access credentials, vulnerable email addresses, and other shared data, working on his phishing messages for an hour or so with substantial ill will. He paused for a moment, sipping on the energy drink.

“Ho! Ho!” he laughed between swigs. “A scam from Santa! It’s like a lump of coal. Ho! Ho! Ho!”

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” repeated a voice close beside him.

“Huh, guess I’m hearing things,” said he, peering at the ingredients of his energy drink.

“No, you’re not,” said a modulated voice.

Gabriel started up and stood rooted to the spot with terror, for his eyes rested on a sight that made his blood run cold.

Displayed on his screen was a video chat, the masked individual on the other end sitting perfectly still. They grinned at Gabriel Grubb with such a grin that made them look insane. Their username displayed in the chat as “le G0Bl!N.”

“Why are you on the dark web on Christmas Eve?” asked le G0Bl!N.

“I, I was just looking around,” stammered Gabriel.

“Whyever would you be doing that on such a night as this?”

“GABRIEL/GRUBB GABRIEL/GRUBB GABRIEL/GRUBB” suddenly flashed repeatedly on Grubb’s screen.

“What’s in that bottle, there?” said le G0BL!N.

“Um…,” replied Gabriel, at a loss for words, because the energy drink was banned in his country, and he didn’t want to incriminate himself, even to another hacker.

“Little late to be drinking an energy drink, all alone, especially tonight of all nights… wouldn’t you say?”

The screen flickered again: “GABRIEL/GRUBB GABRIEL/GRUBB GABRIEL/GRUBB”

“Guess who I’m targeting, Gabriel?”

Again: “GABRIEL/GRUBB GABRIEL/GRUBB GABRIEL/GRUBB”

“How does that make you feel, Gabriel?” le G0BL!N’s voice filled with mirth.

The hacker was panicking in his chair. He spoke:

“Surely, it couldn’t be me. Please, let me just return to my work.”

“Work! Ha… what kind of work is this, and at a time that is supposed to be merry and bright?

“GABRIEL/GRUBB GABRIEL/GRUBB GABRIEL/GRUBB”

“I’m afraid it is you I have targeted, Gabriel,” said le G0BL!N.

Stammering, Gabriel looked for a way to end the video. “I—I am afraid I have to go.”

“Go!” said le G0BL!N, “ho, ho, ho!”

As le G0BL!N laughed, Gabriel’s desktop suddenly went dark, additional video feeds opening up. Gabriel suddenly found his screen filled with other hackers, each with its own face covering.

“Now, let us show you what we have been able to accomplish, much like how you have made a name for yourself.”

As le G0BL!N said this, a new video feed opened and showed a smart camera feed, sharing a small and minimally furnished apartment. A handful of children could be seen, some huddled around a small television while the smaller ones clung to their mother’s leg as she set the table for dinner. The father entered, and the children ran to meet him. Together, they sat down for their meal, all seeming happy and comfortable.

“What do you think of that?” said le G0BL!N.

Gabriel murmured something about it being very sweet and nice.

“See more,” said le G0BL!N.

More videos appeared and closed, each teaching Gabriel Grubb a lesson. He saw hardworking people who earned what they had being cheerful and happy. Maybe the world wasn’t as cold as he had thought. As soon as he thought this, his eyes suddenly grew very heavy, and despite le G0BL!N remaining on his screen, he swiftly succumbed to sleep.

It was morning when he awoke, face resting on his keyboard, energy drink half-consumed and forgotten on his desktop. He sat up and restarted his computer.

He was an altered man, and had learned lessons of gentleness and good-nature by his strange encounter with le G0BL!N on the dark web.

The entire team at Fusion IT wishes you and yours a very happy and bright holiday season, and a prosperous new year to boot. If you would like to learn more about how we can help keep your business secure and productive, reach out to us at (616) 828-5360.

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